| Role | Ethnicity | Gender | Age | Role description |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Leads (3) | Prefer diversity | |||
| Dr. Jon Taylor | Any | M identifying | Mid 30s | Math Ace - Principal |
| MJ Calhoun | Any | F identifying | Mid 30s | Mom - Alum |
| Bork Hill | Any | M identifying | Mid 30s | Narcissistic Head Coach |
| Featured (5) | ||||
| Izzy Lopez | Any | F identifying | Late teens | Overachieving Student |
| Keefer | Any | M identifying | Late teens | MJ's son |
| Dahla/Hoopty/Russ/God | Any | GN | Any | Bureaucrat/Repo/auctioneer/deity |
| Zacharias Wright | Caucasian | M identifying | 50+ | God-baiting televangelist |
| Wanda Jo Wright | Asian American / Eastern European | F identifying | 40+ | Z’s sad, mail order wife |
| Ensemble (3-30) Can be doubled by Featured roles or split to accommodate a large cast as needed | ||||
| Philbert / Cletus* Double for Zacharias | Any | M identifying | 35+ | Gun nut military dad |
| Hippie Wanda Jo can double. | Any | F identifying | 40+ | Disdainful citizen |
| Football player / Teachers / Judgy Woman / Ensemble | Any | GN | Any |
