| Leads (4) | Prefer diversity | | | |
| Dr. Jon Taylor | Any | M identifying | Mid 30s | Principal Math Geek |
| MJ Calhoun | Any | F identifying | Mid 30s | District Director |
| Bork Hill | Any | M identifying | Mid 30s | Narcissistic Head Coach |
| Izzy Lopez | Any | F identifying | Late teens | Overachieving Student |
| Keefer Calhoun | Any | M identifying | Late teens | Tree hugging Nepo Baby |
| Featured (3) | | | | |
| Dahla/Hoopty/Russ/God | Any | GN | Any | Bureaucrat/Repo/auctioneer/deity |
| Zacharias Wright | Any | M identifying | 50+ | God-baiting televangelist |
| Wanda Jo Wright | Any | F identifying | 40+ | Z’s unenthusiastic wife |
Ensemble (4-20)
| | | | |
| Judgy Woman | Any | F identifying | 40+ | Disdainful citizen |
Philbert
| Any | GN | 35+ | Gun nut military wonk |
| Football players / Hippie Parents / Teachers / Cheerleaders | Any | GN | Any | |
